Saturday, August 12, 2006

Day XX (Dos Ekkees) – Things I Didn't Want (Need) to Know

I have a confession; I used to listen to Melissa Etheritch. I have one of her albums, but I don't listen to it too much anymore. The images her music brings forth in my mind are different than they used to be.

Her music has Power and Passion. This is a woman who would climb through your window with her hair on fire. She'll kill the other woman who looks like her and make you glad she did. And this is no clinging, whining woman or psycho who would boil your rabbit. This is music that Maureen O'Hare would have sang in The Quiet Man as she was making dinner while her husband (The Duke) beat the snot out of her brother (you know that look she gives him, after he drags her five miles only to pick a fight and burn her dowry, "do me like a big Irish Setter" is what she's saying with those eyes). It's that kind of Power and Passion. You really have to be a man's man to keep up with a woman like that.

BUT, as it turns out you actually have to be a woman's woman.

Now this is not going to ring true for those of you living an alternative lifestyle, but remember that I am looking at this from the end of the sexual preference spectrum that would show up on the spectroscope if you burned Hugh Hefner, Ben Franklin or Pablo Picasso.

This is something I didn't want to know. Actually, it's something I didn't need to know.

When I used to listen to her songs I imagined, I made plans for how I would keep up with such a woman. I would have taken great pride in, well taming isn't the right word for it. You don't tame Shadowfax. He lets you ride or he doesn't, but you'd be darn proud if he did, and you'd be darn proud if she did too.

Now the bubble is burst for me. The illusion is lost. The suspension of disbelief is shattered. More's the pity.

Some other things we really didn't need to know:
1. How they make hot dogs
2. What Pete Townsend and Mick Jagger did, with each other
3. What Jim Neighbors and Rock Hudson did with each other
4. That the Pope was a Nazi
5. Did you need to see Britney Spears letting her 18 month old drive the truck?
6. How they made the Hobbits look small in LOTR
7. That Ferris Buehler's house isn't on the North Shore, but in California (I still shudder at that)
8. The actual nutritional value of Oreos
9. Did you need to know about Santa Claus?
10. The Easter Bunny
11. The Tooth Fairy
12. Your parents' special hug that resulted in your earthly arrival?

Universal Studios, DVD special features, The We network, A&E, VH1 Behind the Music; I've got one thing to say to you all: La la la la la, I'm not listening, la la la la.

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