Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Prop on Iraq

Er, I mean Prop on A ROCK!

I found him.

Yep. I was climbing around in the Pakistani part of the Hindu Kush and guess who I bumped into? UBL, OBL himself. This is how it happened:

Me, "Osama! Dude. WHASUP!"

OBL, nothing.

"Hey buddy, there's a lot of people out looking for your sorry butt. What's you got to say?"

UBL, nothing again.

"Hey?" Prop prods the criminal with a blunt stick. A sad, See-N-Say voice says, "Kill all Americans."

"Huh?" I prod him again. He falls over and that voice says, "See I got away."

Then I figured it out. They stuffed him and stuck a pull-string recording up his butt.

Here's a pic:

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Three Things Found Floating Around the Shuttle

Scientists have found three more things floating around the shuttle. It won't delay the landing and they refuse to show photos of what the objects are.

In another Illini6 exclusive we bring you the only photo you'll see (on this blog) of the three things floating just outside the shuttle cargo bay.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Prop Reads Pope!

Well, I've actually read the text of Pope Benedict XVI's speech 12 Sep 06.

First I have to say, if it's a rallying cry and a slap in the face for Muslims there are darn few who would or could actually read through the dense language to find it. If there was any doubt that the Holy Father was a professor one only has to try to read this.

Okay. If I read this correctly, there was this Eastern Roman Emperor (Manuel II Paleologos) who was talking with a Muslim while the Muslims were besieging Constantinople.

The Emperor was arguing against forcing conversion by violence. In his argument he said that you must use logic along with your faith to understand the will of God.

Muslims are not required to do that (Islam didn't develop with as strong a Greek (and therefore Socratic) influence and thus to a Muslim God is above and not constrained by logic).

I think the Pope was trying to say that to Christians it is just presumed that logic and faith go hand in hand (although there have been movements to separate logic from theology). It is natural for us. It isn't for other faiths.

The really radical thing that he said (IMHO) is the faiths that do not use logic and faith to understand the will of God are wrong (i.e. Islam).

I can't say I disagree.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

That Noise

That noise you heard late this morning (it may have actually been audible on the ISS (I know there is no sound in space, but that’s only because there is no media by which to transmit the sound waves, but if you had some piece of the atmosphere blown off the earth by a very loud sound that air WOULD carry the wave and you COULD hear it)) was the sound of millions of suburban American men mowing their lawns before the game.

My wife makes me BAG it. I hate that. Men don’t want to BAG (that’s a tinny sort of word). We want to MULCH! That’s a manly sort of word. It reminds us of what we want our team to do to their opponents. Mulch, slice, dice, shred, mince (well, that’s not too manly either, scratch that), rend, obliterate, ANNIHILATE!

On the other hand, bag is like sack and that’s okay. Yeah, honey, I ain’t gunna bag anymore. From now on I’m gunna SACK the clippings.

Yep, it doesn’t matter what team they support. In fall, on Sundays, when the grass is long and the wife is na- er, I mean reminding lovingly, the boys go out and fire up the Toros, Hondas and Lawnboys. It may not be cut well, but it’s cut, and it’s cut before the game starts. That’s what counts.

Sometimes testosterone can be deafening.


Monday, September 11, 2006

Illini6 Exclusive!

The Fighting Illini lost this Saturday to Rutgers 33-0. That's sad, but something else happened Sunday with another team that wears orange and blue (NO, not Florida! We were Orange and Blue before they were so go someplace else!)

Da Bears shutout Green Bay. That's right. The Packers had the second longest active non-shutout streak in the NFL and Da Bears shut them out (pass the beef). Guess who the last team to shut out the Pack was? That's right; Da Bears back in 1991 (with Da Coach)!

Here's something even more amazing. That number 4 of theirs, the guy who doesn't even know how to pronounce his own name (but I've heard he's a pretty good football player), can't remember the last time HE was shutout.

He can't remember the last time he was shutout, not because he's so old he has Alzheimer's, not because his bell was rung yesterday, no, because it was so long ago.

Well, I had to dig long and hard to find this, but here it is, an Illini6 exclusive. A photo of Brett Favre (pronounced Fav-Ray) the last time he was shutout.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Oh Yeah! I'm Back Baby!

I won! I won the latest Mirable Visu SSIW (Short Sharp Intuitive Writing) contest!

I can't believe it. I'm so happy. It's been a very long time since I've won a writing contest and I was very surprised. I had to read it over and over again!

You can go here and read my story. Just scroll down and look for "Faun-O-Matic" posted by Inner Prop.

Good day, good day!

Oh, and I figured out a better way to manip photos. Watch out!

EDITOR'S NOTE: MV dumps the stories as soon as the next contest starts so I'm going to post my winning story here for you to read.


Initiate Bacchanalia

"How 'bout some of that vino, buddy?" I asked the man with the bottle.

The party was young; the night beautiful; everyone was well dressed and everything, the deck, the house, the whole subdivision, was new.

I spotted a man offering another a cigar.

"Got one for me, pal?"

The men were so startled by my appearance they complied unquestioningly. Thus provisioned, I went in search of the hostess.

Half the guests were on the deck. The rest were taking a tour of the house or gathered around the food in the dining room. I went inside to the hostess: a beautiful young woman in a short, red dress showing long, shapely legs.

Initiate Social Intercourse

She smelled my cigar.

"No cigars in the house," she turned and her jaw dropped.

"Who, WHAT are you?"

"A satyr," a man stated, looking over his glasses.

"Similar, only more FAUN. Get it." I nudged a woman's knee near me.

"A faun?"

Initiate Self Analysis

I looked down at my hairy, vest-covered chest; fur covered groin and legs; and my hooves.

Identity Confirmed.

"Yup. I'm a faun, actually a faundroid," I hopped onto a chair to be eye level with the guests, and look down the dresses.

"Dan!" Hostess screeched, then asked me, "How did you get here, where did you come from, what do you want?"

I took a drag from my cigar. Everyone leaned in closely.

"Several very rich men with access to very high technology had daughters who were playmates. When these daughters became fascinated with fantasy worlds their fathers built them an enchanted forest, with electronic fauns, nymphs, unicorns and dragons. Unfortunately, by the time the forest was built, the girls had discovered boys and wanted no part of it. They sold it off to real estate developers and it became your lovely homes."

I drank.

"They rounded the dragons and unicorns up for private zoos. There are just a few fauns and nymphs left, mostly in the stand of trees between the back-yards."

The crowd gasped and looked out to the back of the property.

"As for what I want - to enjoy the party for Dionysus' sake. Oo, are those stuffed mushrooms?" I leaned over, but a male hand grabbed my wrist.

"Why aren't you out there?" Host Dan demanded.

Initiate Internal Pain Abatement

"I was kicking it with this knock-out hamadryad when the forest was 'developed.' We 'droids are so small we're radio controlled by our main computers in large, stationary objects. When they bulldozed my Meliae's tree she died, leaving me alone."

"Alone?" Hostess asked quietly.

"You can't go too far from your 'brain.' Mine's that ornamental boulder near your deck. If I went as far as the back of your property I 'd shut off, die."

There was silence.

"But, hey!" I pulled out a harmonica. "This is a party."

As I started playing I noticed my glass.

"How 'bout some of that vino, buddy?" I asked the man with the bottle.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Opening the Closing

Ms. Katie Couric began a new stage in her carreer last night. Now it isn't my place to question so eminent a citizen, but you'da thunk she'd have figured out her closing line.

Anywho, apparently you can email her and let her know what you think her closing line, or sign off should be. I have several suggestions:

1. Truth - that's not a suggestion for the closing, but a suggestion for the whole broadcast.

2. It's my news, you're just living it

And my favorite, in a partial reprise of her role in Undercover Brother:

3. Solid!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Greeks and Persians

In honor of Labor Day this weekend, we took my In-Laws to O'Hare to go to Greece for a couple of months.

Then we rewarded ourselves by going to Noon-O-Kabab, a Persian resturant in Chicago that Mrs. Prop had seen on Check Please several months ago. We had been looking for the place each time we went through the city.

The kids loved it and the waitress was great.

Then we drove home via Sheridan Road cuz we love driving through the North Shore (think Cameron's house in Ferris Bueller's Day Off).

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Day XLII - I'm a Lumberjack

My In-Laws had a tree
The tree was dead
it had to be cut down
If I dropped it on my head
I'd look like a clown

They really did have a cherry tree that was threatening to fall on the power wires for the house. We cut it down and I feel, well, I feel like...

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Day XLI - Springtime for Hitler

Today is the 67th anniversary of the day the Germans invaded Poland.

How's that for upbeat.

I suppose Illinois is next.

Oh oh, too late.