Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Listen to Bellwether!

There is a lovely podcast called The Cthulhu Podcast. He has been kind enough to read "Bellwether's Asteroid" in two parts.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Building a Bridge of Faith

I realized that I have actually always been a deist, and always will be a deist.

This is important because I have been in a crisis of faith for almost a year now. In July of 2008 I really started doubting the existence of God. In fact, I was pretty sure that there could be no God. The part of my model of the universe that was held up by faith had been blown away.

My model had always been predominantly built on scientific facts. Most of my "path" was on solid ground. There was a very small gap that faith had to span, but the banks of that chasm had shifted and the span had collapsed.

I had to rebuild, but the material I had once used was not strong enough anymore (a modified Catholic catechism with no Hell, no Devil, the bible as allegory, sin and evil as shortages of goodness, God the creator, the Holy Spirit as the spirit of God with us, Jesus Christ as a physical manifestation of God, heaven for those who mold their souls into something compatible with it, the universe and mankind as creations with a purpose, the supremacy of Love, the authority of the church handed down from Christ, the ability of God to perform miracles, and the ability to communicate with God through prayer). I searched and am still searching frantically for material for which to build my bridge of faith. I may use some of the old material yet.

What I have realized as I searched for material to build my bridge is that deism is not material from which the bridge is built. Deism is the tools, knowledge and skill with which I have always, and will always build my bridge, or bridges.

This goes hand in hand with thinking skeptically (or free-thinking), but where skepticism is negative, deism is positive. Skepticism helps sort out the bad material, but deism helps build good material into something useful.

This is very comforting. There is a storm raging in my soul, but no matter how bad things get, I will always be able to build that bridge because I will always have my deist tools.

Well, that's one less thing that I have to worry about.

Saturday, May 16, 2009


I played Rugby today for the Lake County Gladiators against Fox Valley Maoris. I didn't start but about five minutes in the starting Loosehead Prop went down with a badly sprained calf. I went in and played the rest of the match.

About half way through the first half we were at about the five meter line and there was a ruck forming (I don't think it had actually formed yet, which was why this worked). The ball came out and went past me. I heard the Ref (I don’t know why people call the ref, "The Sir" it seems strange to me) say, "Play on."

I turned around and picked up the ball expecting to be hit in the back, but I wasn't and I turned toward the goal line. Most of the other players looked confused. They weren't confused enough to do nothing, but too confused and worried about going off-sides that they hadn't hit me yet. I saw a gap and hit it. Several members of the other team tried to tackle me, but they had been caught flat footed and they managed to bring me down with my head and shoulders in the In Goal area. I reached out with the ball as I went down and downed the ball half in goal. I moved it forward immediately to make sure it was a try, but the ref called it as soon as I had downed it the first time.

It was strange because I think I've only ever scored four times previously, the last time in 2005. In '05 I was really pumped and jumped up and screamed. This time I got up and walked back to midfield. I got a lot of hand slaps, but nothing really that impressed. I guess it was because in the game in '05 mine was the only score for our teams (I think we played three matches that day) all day.

Today we won 57-12. The other Bill on the team (Number 8) scored three times. It got to the point when the forwards were asking whose turn it was next.

Anyway I scored today, number five in my life, so I am really happy. I had to preserve the story for posterity.

This week, I'll be very happy to tell people, "I am a Rugby player."

This isn't actually me, and I had a lot more resistance when I scored, but I kinda dived this way.