Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Day IV – Now I Need to Fix It

This is the first page of what I have so far for the MV publishing project (I think that because this is only an excerpt that may be thrown out completely I can get away with posting it here).

My brother had mentioned that my writing often resembles the script for a radio play. I think that's what's wrong with this. I try to show more than tell, maybe too much. If I follow Edgar Allen Poe's advice and stay within theme and mood I should be able to cover more time (I have been writing Flash like a prose haiku, all in one instant) and say what I'm trying to say. Now that I've identified the problem I can fix it.

It's raining today. That makes me want to write horror, but I'll stick to this.

>>"Lest Too Light Winning Make the Prize Light"

"Sir, I hate these state dinners." Captain Trinculo Tarun pulled at the stiff collar around his bullneck.

"An officer is also a diplomat, Captain Tarun." Major Zedong Foolendu took a forkful of food and smiled to his junior across the table.

The woman Major Foolendu had been assigned to escort sat directly across the table and to the young captain's left. Her name was Menaka Miranda, the daughter of Falkland's ruler, Huxley Pramesh. The way her wings fluttered gracefully each time she used her utensils enraptured the major.

"I just think this is a waste of time when we could be out fighting." Tarun said quietly.

"Fighting whom? Do you know your enemy?" Menaka asked.

"Miss Miranda, we have been briefed." Captain Tarun looked to his major for support.

Major Foolendu took another forkful of food and smoothed his thick red moustache. He watched the breeze play with Menaka's gossamer hair. The long table was perched among thick branches high in the tree of the Royal Aerie. The uncovered window of the space habitat was behind her and the setting sun played with her silky mane.

Menaka put down her fork and turned to Tarun. "Just what were you briefed? Did they tell you that Ambuda Nguyen is the leader of a street gang who can be rounded up like a common criminal?"

Tarun puffed his prodigious chest. "We ARE the Dravidian Guard. We are the finest regiment in the world of Medelhan."

"Ah, but you're not in Medelhan." She caught the way Major Foolendu's red eyes watched her and she blushed. She looked down for a moment and regained her composure. "You aren't in Medelhan, you're in Falkland, and you are walkers."

Just then they were interrupted by a tone that meant that the king was about to speak. King Pramesh sat at the center of the table on a raised perch.

"Friends. We wish to welcome and thank the Dravidian Guard of Medelhan and Ambassador Gonzalez for responding so quickly to our request for aid. We would also like to thank them for bringing with them our own Ambassador to Medelhan, and my brother, Ashok."

There was polite applause and both ambassadors waved slightly.<<

That's funny. This paragraphicated just fine. I don't know why Reach Out didn't.

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